The Chatroom
by stickfigureparadise
Summary: What happens when seven brave samurai decide to meet up via the internet? Complete and utter idiocy. Chatroom-style crack!
1. Seven Idiots

_Hey guys, it's been awhile, huh? Well, I was unable to log on for awhile. In the meantime, I saw Samurai 7 and created another crack-tastic chatroom for your entertainment!_  
_Characters' manner of speech based off dub._**  
**_Enjoy! -Kendi_  
**  
-**

**-RiceFan88 has logged on-**

**RiceFan88:** Hey guys! Anyone here yet?

**-Oldwife has logged on-**

**Oldwife:** Hello, Heihachi, how's it going?

**RiceFan88:** Great! I just finished dinner! And you?

**-Shimada_Kanbei has logged on-**

**Oldwife:** Pretty good! I just finished drinking leftovers. Feeling a little tipsy!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Shichiroji, is Katsushiro here yet?

**-Kanbei-samas-diciple has logged on-**

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Argh.

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Sensei! :)

**RiceFan88:** lol

**Oldwife:** XD Maybe I'll drink a little more.

**-4_ur_entertainment has logged on-**

**RiceFan88:** Sweet! Gorobei's on! :D How's it going, Gorobei-dono?

**4_ur_entertainment:** What a fun thing this chatroom is! I should have tried it years ago! HAHAHA!

**Oldwife:** Man, he laughs online same as off. I'll drink to that!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Are you well, Shichiroji?

**Oldwife:** I'm just dandy, Kanbei-sama!1

**Shimada_Kanbei:** ...Good.

**-theGREATSAMURAIMASTER! has logged on-**

**RiceFan88:** Uh oh, here comes trouble.

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Argh.

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER**!: WUTS THE BIG IDEA, GAIZ?! U NO HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO TRACK UR IPS? WHYRE U ALWAYS LEAVIN ME OUTTA STUFF LIKE THAT? UR A BU

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** UNCHA LOSERS! WHO WANTS TO CHAT WIT U NYWAY?!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Kikuchiyo,

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** WUT DO YOU WANT?

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Please stop abusing the caps lock. You're giving us all a headache.

**Oldwife:** Not me! already had one!

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER:** O YEA?!

**RiceFan88:** Yeah, you're going to get banned if you carry on like that. Why don't you calm down? Have some fun.

**Oldwife:** knock a few back in our honor1 living the good life.

**4_ur_entertainment:** Hey, everyone! I apologize if I was distracted. I just happened to stumble upon some interesting pictures while searching the web! If I post the URL code here, I can share it with everyone!

**RiceFan88:** Sure!

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** It sounds interesting, Gorobei-dono.

**Oldwife:** gOrorobei, im notsure thats good idea but whatdo I Care. Katsu i forgot yuo were even online.

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** HEY GAIS! FORGETTING SOMETHING?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Shichiroji-dono, I admit that I am not yet very proficient in using a keyboard. My training has taken me elsewhere.

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** GAIS!1 GAIZ! HELLLLO!

**Oldwife:** you know where id likes s to sabtake you katsushiro?./

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** STTOP IGNORING ME U *********

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** I don't understand, Shichiroji-dono. Please spell correctly.

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Perhaps you've had too much, Shichiroji.

**theGREATSAMURAIMASTER!:** U NO WHO HASNT HAD ENOUGH?! THIS GUY RITE HERE!

**-theGREATSAMURAIMASTER! has been removed from this chat-**

**RiceFan88: **Sigh.

**4_ur_entertainment:** Here is the picture I found. I believe this will create a 'link'! [link]

**Oldwife:** woaaah yeababythats somthwing elshe1

**RiceFan88:** Um, Gorobei-dono, you do know what we're doing in this picture, right?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Sensei, I don't understand! D:

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Argh.

**-THEBESTFREAKINGSAMURAIINTHEW ORLD has logged on-**

**-THEBESTFREAKINGSAMURAIINTHEW ORLD has been removed from this chat-**

RiceFan88: Whoa. pwned. You're fast, Kanbei-dono!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Thank you.

**-AnOKsamurai has logged on-**

**AnOKsamurai:** uh... wuts wit the pic?

**AnOksamurai:** wait. is that wut i think it is?

**-AnOksamurai has logged off-**

**Shimada_Kanebi: **Argh.

**Oldwife:** whhy doyo do thats kanbeiisama?

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Doing what?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Sensei, what is that picture of? Please tell me!

**RiceFan88:** That "argh" thing. You keep doing it, Kanbei-dono.

**4_ur_entertainment:** I found another one! [link]

**Oldwife:** downloding...

**RiceFan88:** Is it that Hyogo in drag?

**4_ur_entertainment:** It reminds you of old times, does it not, friend?

**RiceFan88:** It sure does! Lol!

**-RiceFan88 has logged off-**

**-4_ur_entertainment has logged off-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Where did they go? I didn't get to talk to them.

**Oldwife:** prolly egtting some saeke anstuf man m platered.

**Kanbei-samas-diciple: ***plastered

**Oldwife:** youtoo/?

**-Lovely_Hoho has logged on-**

**-Lady-Goroko-chan has logged on-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** ...

**Lady-Goroko-chan:** The beautiful ladies have returned! And we come bearing more fascinating images! [link]

**Lovely_Hoho:** Tehe~!

**Oldwife:** alrit womensl momo lieks .

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** What is the meaning of that picture? I don't get it.

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Perhaps it's best if you stopped clicking them, Katsushiro. Also, I believe Shichiroji won't be with us any longer tonight.

**Oldwife:** Um, attention, samurai. Roji had a little too much fun on his end, so he has to say "goodnight". Please visit us soon! Love, Yukino :heart:

**-Oldwife has logged off-**

**Lady-Goroko-chan:** How silly! The poor boy passed out right on the keyboard!

**Lovely_Hoho:** Yes, poor thing! ^^

**Shimada_Kanbei:** ...

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Cut it out, guys. We know it's you!

**Lady-Goroko-chan:** But we haven't even introduced ourselves yet!

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** The internet is a sophisticated information network and should not be abused under false pretences! Online anonymity is a curse that gives way for cyber bullying and other forms of cruelty. It should be against our honor to take it so lightly!

**Lovely_Hoho:** Hohoho! Someone needs to lighten up!

**-Katsushiroisagirl has logged on-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Very funny, guys. I'm serious.

**Katsushiroisagirl:** u mad?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** What?

**Katsushiroisagirl:** problem?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** I'm not the one with the problem here!

**Lovely_Hoho:** Lol. Epic troll, there!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Alright, that's enough of that.

**Katsushiroisagirl:** DIE EVERYONE! EVERYONE DIES! DEATH DEATH! DEAD DAMURAI! DIE!

**Lady-Goroko-chan:** Samurai? Don't be silly! We're just humble street performers! Where would you get such a silly idea, trolly-wolly-chan? :heart:

**-Katsushiroisagirl has been removed from this chat-**

**Lovely_Hoho:** Well, that was weird. O.O

**-Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284 has logged on-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple: **Who was that, Sensei? Who dared to disgrace or correspondence like that?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Oh, it's Kyuzo-dono! I'm happy you could make it! :D

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** Where is the troll?

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** The "troll", Kyuzo-dono?

**-Lovely_Hoho has logged off-**

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Kyuzo-dono! First, you protect me from assassins and now internet trolls. I wonder if you're truly doing this because of our fight or if you just wanted an excuse to join in.

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** ...

**Shimada_Kanbei:** Either way, I'm glad to hear from you. I must ask, though: why is your username so long?

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284: **All the others were taken.

**-RiceFan88 has logged on- **

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** ALL variations of your name were taken?

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** Yes.

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** I wasn't aware that there were so many people named 'Kyuzo' out there.

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** There aren't.

**Lady-Goroko-chan:** I just found another good one, boys! ;) [link]

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** ...

**-Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284: has logged off-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Kyuzo-dono!

**RiceFan88:** Man, you'd think he'd take it better. Great find, Goroko-chan!

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Why is Kyuzo-dono in a dress? What is he doing to you, Sensei? How is this acceptable?

**RiceFan88:** Chill out. It's just a little fanart. If you think about it, it just shows how loved we are.

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Oh really? Can you say that when it's you? What about this picture?

**RiceFan88:** What picture?

-**Lady-Goroko-chan has logged off-**

**Shimada_Kanbei: **I have the feeling that I'm only here to contain the madness...

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Sensei! You can't support this! You just can't! Look at this mockery! It's disgracefull! [link]

**-4_ur_entertainment has logged on-**

**RiceFan88: **Hey, would you look at that! I don't look that bad in leather! XD You also make a veeery convincing woman, Katsushiro-dono!

**4_ur_entertainment:** I wasn't aware that you two were so involved.

**RiceFan88:** Neither were we. XD

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** What do you think, Sensei?

**Shimada_Kanbei:** As a warrior, you should learn endure many things that make you uncomfortable.

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** I understand, Sensei. I will learn to enjoy this mediocrity.

**RiceFan88:** No one said anything about ENJOYING it, but whatever. ^^;

**-_Kyuzo_81927473_278466 has logged on-**

**4_ur_entertainment:** Welcome back! If I'd known the images would bother you so, I would not have posted them. I apologize.

**_Kyuzo_81927473_278466:** KAMBAY! I LURV U 4EVER!

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** What?

**4_ur_entertainment:** Did you injure your head, man?

**_Kyuzo_81927473_278466:** hld me... in ur arms!

**Shimada_Kanbei:** …I'm not sure how to respond. Are you really Kyuzo-dono?

**RiceFan88:** Guys, check the numbers. It's a fake.

**_Kyuzo_81927473_278466:** WERE'S TH RP AT? THIS IS THE WRONG CHATROOM!

**4_ur_entertainment:** *sigh* Allow me to point you to the exit button: [link]

**-Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284 has logged on-**

**Kanbei-samas-diciple:** ?!

**Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284: **I found you.

**-_Kyuzo_81927473_278466 has been disconnected-**

**4_ur_entertainment:** I'm glad that's over.

**RiceFan88:** Weird. ^^;

**-SexyMetalluver has logged on-**

4_ur_entertainment: You gotta be j/k!

**RiceFan88:** Darn it, Kikuchiyo! This is why we don't invite you to these things!

**SexyMetalluver:** offers you the chance to find the right match for you! join for free today!

**-SexyMetalluver has been removed from this chat-**

**RiceFan88: **My apologies to the big guy.

**4_ur_entertainment:** That website is not as advertised. It seems rather seedy. But then, who am I to judge? Everyone must make a living!  
**  
-AnOKsamurai has logged on-**

**AnOKsamurai:**r u still doing weird things?

**4_ur_entertainment:** Well, we just discovered a website for Nobuseri to find love.  
**  
AnOKsamurai:** gimme the link!  
**  
4_ur_entertainment:** …Okay. [link]  
**  
Kanbei_samas-diciple:** …  
**  
RiceFan88:** So… is Kanbei-dono still here?  
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Shimada_Kanbei:** I'm here.  
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AnOKsamurai:** there! Haha! rofl!  
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4_ur_entertainment:** Do tell us what's so funny.  
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AnOKsamurai:** see for urself! [link]  
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RiceFan88:** That *is* pretty funny.  
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Kanbei-samas-diciple:** You made a profile for Ukyo?  
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RiceFan88:** "enjoys long walks kidnapping and puting on maeke up. looking for a long-trm relationship wth a former general,"  
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Shimada_Kanbei:** Kikuchiyo,  
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AnOKsamurai:** wut? The great kanbeisama doesn't approve?  
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Shimada_Kanbei:** Be sure to include his contact information.  
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AnOKsamurai:** rly, kanbei? and hey who pmed me a phone number?  
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Kyuzo0934934_039736342_903762284:** It's Ukyo's. Use it.  
**  
AnOKsamurai:** u gais r alright afterall!  
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4_ur_entertainment:** *feels the love*  
**  
RiceFan88:** ^^  
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Kanbei-samas-diciple:** Well, let me help. I can at least correct the spelling and grammar; it's horrible.  
**  
AnOKsamurai:** suure Katsu!  
**  
AnOKsamurai: **wait a sec! WUTS THAT SUPOPSED TO MENA? THESE KEYBOARDS ARE TOOTINY FOR MY MIGHTY FINGERS!1  
**  
Shimada_Kanbei:**Lol.

**-End chat-**


	2. The Village People

_This chapter is a liiitle bit shorter, but hopefully also funny.  
Thanks for any reviews, -Kendi  
_****

-Grandaddy_Rice has logged on-

-Soldier_of_Kanna has logged on-  
**  
Soldier_of_Kanna:** It's me, Elder, -Rikichi.  
**  
Grandaddy_Rice:** Nice of you to make it. I wonder where the others are.  
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-Rice_farmer23 has logged on-**

-Ricefarmer752 has logged on-

-Rice_Farmer_ has logged on-  
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Rice_farmer23:** …Aw, common, everybody. I thought I was unique!  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** So, who's who?  
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Rice_farmer23:** I'm Mosuke!  
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Ricefarmer752:** Yohei here!  
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Rice_Farmer_:** Can't u tell?!  
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Gandaddy_Rice:** No.  
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-OkaraLolz has logged on-**  
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OkaraLolz:** Whats with you usernames?  
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-Sexybeast_ricefarmer has logged on-**  
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OkaraLolz: **srsly. Who is that?  
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Sexybeast_ricefarmer:** You mean you don't know?  
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OkaraLolz:** no.  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** Calm down, everyone. Change your usernames so we can tell who you are!  
**  
- Rice_farmer23 has logged off-**

-Ricefarmer752 has logged off-

-Mosuke23 has logged on-

-Yo_hei has logged on-

-Rice_Farmer_ has logged off-

-Gosaku_ricelover has logged on-  
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Sexybeast_ricefarmer:** Even me, Elder?  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** Especially you.  
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-Sexybeast_ricefarmer has logged off-**

-x_Manzo_x has logged on-

Soldier_of_Kanna: Oh…  
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OkaraLolz:** Shishishishi.  
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-Samurai_luvrXOXO has logged on-**  
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-Ilovefarmingrice has logged on-**  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** Who is it this time?  
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Samurai_luvrXOXO:** It's Shino!  
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x_Manzo_x:** What's the meaning of this, Shino?!  
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-Samurai_luvrXOXO** has logged off-  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** Well, if that's settled, shall we begin?  
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-Miko_Kirara has logged on-**  
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Miko_Kirara:** Am I late?  
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Soldier_of_Kanna: **Just in time.  
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Miko_Kirara:** what des this do/  
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Soldeir_of_Kanna:** What was that?  
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Miko_Kirara:** Sorry, Komachi won't leave the keyboard alone.  
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Miko_Kirara:** ima sillyhead1  
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Yo_hei:** So Gosaku, is your sunburn feeling better?  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** Aren't we here to discuss strategy?  
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Ilovefarmingrice:** Yes, yes! Let's discuss all of our secrets right now!  
**  
Grandaddy_Rice:** And you are?  
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Ilovefarmingrice:** I'm  
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Ilovefarmingrice:** Ricefarmsuke. Yes.  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** I don't remember you.  
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x_Manzo_x:** Don't worry, Ricefarmsuke! I haven't forgotten you!  
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Miko_Kirara:** aior seuhfei  
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Miko_Kirara**: Komachi thinks she's so funny.  
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Ilovefarmingrice:** Oh, Kirara-chan, I need help with finding water or something. Can we meet tomorrow?  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** Do you really think it's wise to discuss strategy over the internet?  
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Mosuke23:** I don't see the problem with it.  
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Ilovefarmingrice:** Neither do I! In fact, let's start right now!  
**  
OkaraLolz:** let me guess: you're that Ukyo guy, aren't you?  
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Ilovefarmingrice: **What?! Don't be silly!  
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OkaraLolz:** shishishi  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** Is this true, Ricefarmsuke?  
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x_Manzo_x:** Of course it isn't! There's no way they'd find us on the internet!  
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Yo_Hei:** Yea!  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** …who is the administrator?  
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-Ilovefarmingrice has been removed from this chat-**  
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Grandaddy_Rice:** Banned.  
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Soldier_of_Kanna:** Thank goodness.  
**  
-AnOKsamurai has logged on-**  
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AnOKsamurai:** WUTS THIS? 1ST UR ALL WE HAV NO FOOD WE ONLY EAT MILLET AND WE HAVE ONLY DIALUP! WUTABUNCH OF CRAP! HOLDING OUT ON US AGAIN? HOW MANY LAPTOPS DO U GAIZ HAV?  
**  
Miko_Kirara:** kiku yay!  
**  
-Grandaddy_Rice has closed this chat-**


End file.
